I Am Young but Also Old
by Saku73
Summary: America has a birthday, gets a nice visit, and thinks about his future and himself. The burdens of a young and bright mind. A gift fic for someone very dear to me. Reviews/Comments are welcome!


Author's notes: This takes place in July 2015

"It seemed almost like any other day when America blearily woke up and grabbed a cup of coffee in order to prepare fully for another day ahead. However America knew inside that it was not just any other day, and a part of him couldn't help but be both excited and slightly apprehensive at that fact. It was as if he expected criticisms and was on defense for it, still he tried to relax and calm himself down. Nothing had happened yet, no one had said anything yet. Yet.

The day went smoothly enough, there was no big party that he himself threw but also nothing really awful happened as well. Despite America's charming smile and his attempts to make others feel at ease he actually found large parties a bit wearisome if they dragged on too long, especially in recent years, so this was preferable to him at least. Small get-togethers and little visits were far nicer, and he did have those little visits and occasional phone-calls today. In fact just right then as if someone had been summoned, a knock came at the door. "Huh," America felt mildly worn out by that time but no matter, it'd be horribly rude to keep whoever it was waiting and he was slightly curious about who it might be in any case. A part of him was rather excited for the potential gift as well, but he tried not to let that side out.

Opening the door he found that it was Iceland, who was looking a little sheepish while hiding a box in his arms, clearly his present. "I'm sort of late..." he said in accented English."...But it was Nor's fault! You know how he and Dan can be, he kept telling me to make sure I got enough water and to dress lightly because it was way too hot here, but I told them I'd be fine...and I am. See?" However, despite his protests and sightly irritated looking face it was clear Iceland was hot, his face looked rather flushed and he was sweating slightly. It was also rather evident he had followed Norway's advice, at least when it came to clothes. "Right," America said, and his face flashed an inviting smile at Iceland before opening the door a bit more. "Well it's clear you're not hot, but why don't you just come inside for bit? I can get you some coke from the fridge if you want it." He couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Iceland, it was rather hot and it was pretty clear he wasn't the most used to this kind of weather. Besides, despite not being very close to the other nation he was friendly with him at least and didn't mind his company. Iceland hesitated slightly at the offer, somehow looking like he both wanted to deny and accept it at the same time. "...Alright, I'll come in. Just don't tell, I know they'll find a way to tease me about it...even if it isn't that bad, sometimes it just gets annoying," he said with a slight roll of his eyes. Then Iceland paused for a moment before looking down briefly and muttering, "...you know, the way they sometimes treat me like a kid."

At that America's grin momentarily faded, "...Well, I'll just get you that coke, just sit down there...and I bet it can get annoying. To not be taken seriously enough." Iceland glanced at America and he waited as the other nation got the coke and handed it to him. "Thanks...your present, uh..here.." He fiddled with the ice-cold coke for a moment, letting it cool off his hands, before putting it down and handing the gift to America. "Open it when I leave! It's a secret...and you know what I'm talking about? I mean I don't mind it much I just...I know they care and sometimes it does feel nice, but it just feels like I'm overlooked a lot...but it's fine. It's just the way things are." Iceland fidgeted a little, shrugged, and then looked down at his coke for a moment before opening it and drinking some. The cool drink brought a small little smile to his face and a sigh of relief, and also distracted him enough not to notice that America looked a bit pensive.

It seemed that Iceland could relate to him, if only somewhat. America too felt like he really wasn't respected, that others looked down on him, and that they treated him like a child. The only difference was the nations doing so to Iceland truly loved him and were essentially family. Even Iceland himself had said it wasn't so bad. Iceland wasn't alone. Meanwhile Alfred F Jones, America, he felt terribly alone. Sometimes it felt like the whole world was out to get him. Those who said things like that didn't do so because they cared, but because they didn't see who he really was, nor did they see or acknowledge his accomplishments. It was so frustrating, he just wanted to be taken seriously as the adult he was. Hadn't he earned it? Wasn't he a nation just as much as the rest of them?

However he didn't tell any of this to Iceland, he just patted the other's back briefly and sighed, "I guess I kind of get how you feel. A lot of the other nations just see me as some kid who's really young and inexperienced, but...well, I've been though a lot of things and seen a thing or two. I'll bet you have too, so I'm sure they know that and don't mean any harm, just family stuff. Matt teases me sometimes like that too, but hey if you ever wanna talk just ring me up." The words weren't totally hollow, but they were more gloss than anything else. America hadn't been totally sincere in the sense that he had kept some things hidden from the other nation sitting beside him, but it didn't show as he offered another smile at Iceland. Iceland didn't seem to notice that though, he just nodded, looking rather pensive now himself and then said, "I guess that wouldn't be a bad idea. I can practice English that way too, how is it? I just figure you'd know." As he asked his brows furrowed slightly, while Iceland was trying to be nonchalant it was obvious to America that he cared greatly. It was nice though, different from many of the other nations, some who even disdained English and disliked using it. At this America's smile became a little more genuine and he chuckled softly, "It's not bad. A little more practice wouldn't hurt, but I can understand you loud and clear." Feeling relived, Iceland sighed deeply and then smiled a little. "Thanks again...I guess I might not mind hanging out with you too much...even if it was short it was kind of...'cool' and at least you don't do dumb stuff like pinch my cheeks and say my clothes are cute. Maybe I'll drop by more." He drank the rest of his coke, got up, offered an awkward little wave at Alfred, and then shuffled towards the door. After he left America sighed wearily and rubbed his forehead. It wasn't that the visit had bothered him, Iceland was nice and he wouldn't mind spending more time with him. In fact something drew him towards the other nation, but there was one thing that troubled him. It was the fact that talking with Iceland made him remember that other than Canada, he didn't really have a family, and even then he really didn't have many people he considered himself close to.

It was now nightfall and America was sitting quietly on a hill of grass accompanied only by a lone beer bottle. Since the sun was gone the air around him wasn't quite as oppressive as it might of been and the night frankly was beautiful. Dark, inky, and full of starry dots, or it would of been if it had been any other night than this. His glasses flashed suddenly with light and a crimson beam shot though the air a far distance from him and exploded into the sky, firing dazzling beams of red and yellow light everywhere. Meanwhile far away the sound of a crowd cheering made it's way to his ears. That's right, he was suddenly reminded again of the day. It was his 'birthday' or as much as a birthday as any nation could claim to have. A small smile ghosted over his face as he remembered what had started this whole day so long ago. He had been so young then, so young and bright eyed. So full of promise and underestimated, and here he was now. The smile then faded and a sigh came out of him, it seemed to come from somewhere deep. It wasn't like he minded being alone, in fact it was nice and calming, especially on a day like this and after all the visits and calls he had received. Now it was just quiet, just him. However being alone on a day like this brought more unbidden thoughts to his mind, on this day of 'freedom.

He was no longer only thinking of the subject of family though, that was only a part of it. In a sense he was still contemplating isolation. It was painful actually when he thought about it. He wanted to be there for his people, to be the best for them, but yet there were so many difficulties, from the financial crisis, to the issues with inequality many were suffering from even now. It hurt, and it hurt horribly when his citizens and even others from abroad called him one of the most horrible places in the world, and yet on these days they still happily laughed and wished one and another a happy fourth. He was just not good enough. He had to be good enough, he had to work harder and show Europe and himself that he was an adult, and not just some stupid kid. If he did that he could someday make his people happy and he could achieve happiness himself, or at least it was a constant dream of his. If he couldn't do that for himself and for his people then what good was he? They would all be right in that case, all their scorn and insults would be true. Sometimes to America, recent times just seemed like one disaster after another.

Another heavy sigh laden with years of burdens and self-expectations came out of him, meanwhile another firework exploded, one that was as bright blue as the daytime sky. America continued to think and ponder the day and his feelings, and he couldn't help but notice that deep down inside there was a hope that if he kept working hard at it he could achieve a better life for his people and for himself. He wouldn't and couldn't give up. Eventually things had to come though right? Then he would be truly loved and respected, he wouldn't be alone anymore. America knew he would continue to keep dreaming and hoping for better, after all elections were just around the corner and while his current boss wasn't a bad guy this could be the start of something new, something even better. America deeply hoped so at least, and even if things didn't turn out so well he would always deep down inside be the starry-eyed boy with a dream in his heart. No amount of cynicism and hardships could ever fully quench that flame inside of him. A flame that burned as brightly and as fiercely as that fabled 'rocket's red glare' so long ago. A flame that would never go out, but that would compel him to keep striving forward.


End file.
